The last few days were so sunny, so full of light. I basked in it. I straight up laid on the floor in the beams of sun that were streaming in my front window. My husband joked I picked that up from our cats. I walked outside and felt the sunshine on my skin for what felt like the first time in years. I hummed happy songs and had good conversations and generally felt like I was in a really great place in my life.
Then today came. And it’s gloomy. And rainy. And grey. And there’s no sunshine to bask in. So I’m feeling restless. Edgy. Like I was abandoned by this really great thing. I find myself bargaining. “I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate the sunshine fully. If it comes back, I promise I’ll go for a walk outside and enjoy it more.”
Goodness, if that’s not a metaphor for my relationship with God, what in this world is? When I’m connected to God, my soul feels like my mood did on a sunny day. When I’m distant, it’s the gloom of my spirit. Anyone else recognize this feeling? Just me? Okay, well bear with me.
I’ve had the urge to say this to people when I express my feelings, thoughts, or opinions to them at times. I can be sad sometimes. Jesus was sad sometimes! I mean, there’s a few times that it is mentioned that Jesus wept. Jesus, the son of God, the man who was most closely in communion with our Lord, wept.
Weeping means “mourn for; shed tears over.” If Jesus wept, spent time weeping, it’s completely okay for me to do so. It’s okay for your kids to weep. It’s okay for you to weep. To mourn. To shed tears over.
Sometimes I weep out of sheer joy and sometimes it is from the depth of grief. And sometimes it’s from the feeling of oppressive “meh.”
So today I feel meh. I feel let down after the joy of the sunshine. And that’s okay. The sun will shine again. I’m just here to say that I know it’s hard sometimes. We’re here to walk with you through these meh times. The weeping times. I even promise to not tell you things that are true but not helpful.
Abba, Father, grant that we may understand the depths and breadths of our emotions. We are created in Your image, to feel Your feelings. Help us to know that you are good, no matter what we are feeling. That these feelings do not negate our worth to you, and that there is community to be found in being open about these feelings. Help us to be present with people as they experience life and to simply be with them, as You are with us. You do not offer platitudes. You are with us through it all, and we are grateful. Thank you for Your son, Jesus, who lived, died, rejoiced, and wept for us. May we endeavor to feel as deeply for ourselves and fellow people. Amen.